WritePlacer®

WritePlacer

Guide with Sample Essays

2021

collegeboard.org

Introduction to WritePlacer

WritePlacer

assesses the writing skills of new college students. Test scores help

colleges determine whether a student is ready for college-level coursework or would

benet from developmental instruction before taking credit-bearing courses.

Students taking WritePlacer are presented with a prompt and asked to write an essay of

approximately 300 to 600 words. A prompt consists of a short passage. Following the

passage is an assignment that requires the student to focus on the issue addressed in

the passage.

WritePlacer prompts are carefully designed to allow the student to respond quickly and

in a variety of ways. They are free of technical or specic literary references and don’t

require specialized knowledge. The prompts are designed to stimulate critical thinking

and are relevant to any number of elds and interests. Students will be asked to draw

on a broad range of experiences, learning, and ideas to support their point of view on

the issue in question. Scores on WritePlacer range from 1 to 8. Essays shorter than the

recommended minimum of 300 words may not fully meet the requirements of the writing

task. An essay that is too short to be evaluated, written on a topic other than the one

presented, or written in a language other than English will be given a zero.

Information for Students

WritePlacer gives you an opportunity to show how eectively you can develop and

express your ideas in writing. You will rst read a short passage and an assignment

question that are focused on an important issue. You will then write an essay in which

you develop your point of view on the issue. You should support your position with

appropriate reasoning and examples. The position you take will not inuence your score.

Your essay will be given a holistic score that represents how clearly and eectively you

expressed your position. The following six dimensions of writing will be considered:



Purpose and Focus—The extent to which you present information in a unied and

coherent manner, clearly addressing the issue.



Organization and Structure—The extent to which you order and connect ideas.



Development and Support—The extent to which you develop and support ideas.



Sentence Variety and Style—The extent to which you craft sentences and

paragraphs demonstrating control of vocabulary, voice, and structure.



Mechanical Conventions—The extent to which you express ideas using Standard

Written English.



Critical Thinking—The extent to which you communicate a point of view and

demonstrate reasoned relationships among ideas.

If your institution has chosen to provide more detailed test results, a dimension

statement will be reported for each of the above. Each dimension statement describes

your prociency in the indicated dimension.

trademarks of College Board. All other marks are the property of their respective owners.

Visit College Board on the web: collegeboard.org

MAR-3160

Sample Prompt

Passage

Some people claim that each individual is solely responsible for what happens to

him or her. But the claim that we ought to take absolute responsibility for the kinds

of people we are and the kinds of lives we lead suggests that we have complete

control over our lives. We do not. e circumstances of our lives can make it more

or less impossible to make certain kinds of choices.

Adapted from Gordon D. Marino, “I ink You Should Be Responsible; I’m Not So Sure.”

Assignment

Are we free to make our own decisions or are we limited in the choices we

can make?

Plan and write a multiparagraph essay (approximately 300–600 words) in which

you develop your point of view on the above question. Support your position

with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or

observations.

Sample Essays

There are descriptions on the following pages of each of the eight WritePlacer score

points followed by two sample essays that were assigned the indicated score.

Annotations are provided for each essay explaining why the essay was given the

score it received. Studying these sample essays and the accompanying annotations

will point out the elements considered during the scoring process.

Score of 1

Description of Score of 1

An essay in this category demonstrates no mastery of on-demand essay writing.

Severely awed by many or most of the following weaknesses, a typical essay:



lacks a viable point of view on the issue



demonstrates no awareness of audience



fails to present a main idea



demonstrates awed reasoning



demonstrates no complexity of thought



is disorganized and/or disjointed



displays fundamental errors in word choice, usage, and sentence structure



contains pervasive spelling, grammar, punctuation, and mechanical errors

Below are sample essays that received a score of 1. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 1

no i do not think we are free to make our own decisions, because if we were free

we wouldnt be able to go to jail if we were to commit a crime. we are limited in

the choices we make and we have to be smart about the choices we make also.

attacks have been apperaing on the news, they chose to make those decisions

but had to pay the consequenses. People make good and bad decisions its up to

them wether or not its good or bad. with all that said i do think that we are limited

with the choices we make.

Annotations

Although this response occasionally mentions “choices” and “consequenses,”

it presents no viable point of view on the prompt’s central question of whether

our choices are our responsibility. Instead, the writing contains awed reasoning

(if we were free we wouldn’t be able to go to jail) and disjointed statements

that reveal a lack of organization (. . . we have to be smart about the choices we

make also. attacks have been apperaing on the news, they chose to make those

decisions but had to pay the consequenses). The response displays numerous

errors in word choice, usage, and sentence structure including fused sentences

(People make good and bad decisions its up to them whether or not its good or

bad). Mechanical errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar are also pervasive.

This response demonstrates no mastery of on-demand essay writing and

receives a holistic score of 1.

Purpose and Focus

This response lacks clear purpose and focus.

Organization and Structure

This response presents a series of disjointed statements that are poorly organized.

Development and Support

This essay needs additional ideas and support.

Continued from previous page

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay exhibits limited ability to vary sentence length and use appropriate

vocabulary.

Mechanical Conventions

This response doesn’t demonstrate control of mechanical conventions.

Critical Thinking

The essay lacks complexity of thought and displays awed reasoning.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 1

if you ask me i think its a little bit of both! you are your own person and you are

free to make any decision you want, it just depends on how you veiw life, and want

to live your life! yes we are limited with choices these days espesially if its a illigal

choice you are willing to make! you can wake up tomorrow an make a decision

that you want to do somethimg illigal, with law inforcement will limit the illigal

choice your willing to make, but at the end of the day its still your decision, and

only you can controll you!

Annotations

Demonstrating awed reasoning, this response lacks a main idea and fails to present

a viable point of view. The essay is disorganized and disjointed, with an attempt to

argue both sides of the issue that shows no complexity of thought (if you ask me

i think its a little bit of both! you are your own person and you are free to make any

decision you want at the end of the day its still your decision, and only you can controll

you!). The response contains fundamental errors in word choice (an [and]), usage

(its [it’s], your [you’re]) and sentence structure (comma splices and unnecessary

commas). Mechanical errors in spelling (veiw, espesially, illigal), punctuation

(inappropriate exclamation marks), and grammar are pervasive. This response

displays no mastery of on-demand essay writing and receives a holistic score of 1.

Purpose and Focus

This response lacks clear purpose and focus.

Organization and Structure

This response demonstrates poor organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This essay needs additional ideas and support.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay exhibits limited ability to vary sentence length and apply

appropriate vocabulary.

Continued from previous page

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows poor control of mechanical conventions such as grammar,

spelling, and punctuation.

Critical Thinking

The essay lacks complexity of thought and displays awed reasoning.

Score of 2

Description of Score of 2

An essay in this category demonstrates very little mastery of on-demand essay

writing. Flawed by many or most of the following weaknesses, a typical essay:



presents a vague or limited point of view on the issue



demonstrates little awareness of audience



presents an unclear main idea



demonstrates weak critical thinking with little complexity of thought or with awed

reasoning



organizes ideas ineectively, demonstrating a problematic progression of ideas



displays numerous errors in word choice, usage, and sentence structure



contains signicant spelling, grammar, punctuation, and mechanical errors

Below are sample essays that received a score of 2. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 2

I think we are imited in the choices we as people can make because we cant just

go out into the world and start doing things we are not supposed to do. There will

always be a line we will never be able to cross. because life is all about making the

right choices and following the government rules because we are not free, if we

were to be free the government wouldnt control us just like they do know. they

cant leave us free because there are people that are out of mind because

It depends on how each person acts and decides to make the right choices.

There are some people that are not capable of being 100% free and they make

the wrong choices. even if each person is responsible of their actions. That is

why there are rules that we need to follow throughout our lifes thats what wil

dend our future. being that I think we should be limited in the choices we can

make we should not be free we need to ght for what we think is good for us.

Annotations

Demonstrating weak critical thinking, this essay attempts to develop a vague

point of view (I think we are imited in the choices we as people can make because

we cant just go out into the world and start doing things we are not supposed to

do). A lack of clarity inhibits the reader’s ability to discern connections between

statements. This leads to a problematic progression of ideas as evidenced in

the transition between the rst and second paragraphs (if we were to be free the

government wouldnt control us just like they do know. they cant leave us free

because there are people that are out of mind because It depends on how each

person acts and decides to make the right choices). Similarly, the nal sentence

of the essay indicates disorganization by presenting two vague ideas with no

apparent linkage (we should be limited in the choices we can make . . . we need

to ght for what we think is good for us); Numerous errors in word choice, usage,

and sentence structure obscure meaning (That is why there are rules that we

need to follow throughout our lifes thats what wil dend our future. being that I

think we should be limited in the choices we can make we should not be free we

need to ght for what we think is good for us). This response demonstrates very

little mastery of on-demand essay writing and receives a holistic score of 2.

Continued from previous page

Purpose and Focus

This response lacks clear purpose and focus.

Organization and Structure

While there is an attempt at an organizational structure with paragraphing,

unclear ideas create problems with progression.

Development and Support

This essay needs additional ideas and support, as many of the ideas are unclear.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay exhibits limited ability to vary sentence length and apply appropriate

vocabulary.

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows poor control of mechanical conventions such as grammar,

spelling, and punctuation.

Critical Thinking

The essay shows insucient reasoning and lacks complexity of thought.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 2

I personally think that we would have a limited in the choices we can make.

The reason i think this would have be because in life you can not always get

what you want, you are always limited to things around you. Sure you can make

some of your decisions but not all; if we were aloud to make all of the decisions

we do there would be alot of slip up and accidents. Some stu that we do are

our responsibility, well actually most stu we do wrong are, you should give

yourself limited choice to make a decision. Then just coming up with one thing;

then something goes wrong and then you really start thinking mabye i should

of limited myself and thought everything through the going for the one thing i

decided on. This is why i do personally think there should be a limit on making

your own decisions.

Annotations

Although the response attempts to address Marino’s claim concerning “the

circumstances of our lives” (you are always limited to things around you), it

presents a limited point of view and unclear main idea (we would have a limited

in the choices we can make). The essay lacks specic examples to clarify the

position, instead oering insucient support that demonstrates little complexity

of thought (alot of slip up and accidents). The writer continues to develop a vague

point of view later in the response, recommending a method for making decisions

(you should give yourself limited choice) rather than examining whether people

Continued from previous page

should take absolute responsibility for their decisions. Ineective organization

prevents a progression of ideas (Then just coming up with one thing; then

something goes wrong and then you really start thinking mabye i should of limited

myself). The essay contains signicant errors in usage (aloud [allowed], should

of) and sentence structure, as well as problems with spelling, grammar, and

punctuation. This response demonstrates very little mastery of on-demand essay

writing and receives a holistic score of 2.

Purpose and Focus

This response lacks clear purpose and focus.

Organization and Structure

This response demonstrates ineective organization of ideas.

Development and Support

An absence of specicity weakens support and contributes to a lack of clarity.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay exhibits limited ability to vary sentence length and vocabulary.

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows poor control of mechanical conventions such as grammar,

spelling, and punctuation.

Critical Thinking

The essay shows insucient reasoning and lacks complexity of thought.

Score of 3

Description of Score of 3

An essay in this category demonstrates little mastery of on-demand essay writing.

Flawed by one or more of the following weaknesses, a typical essay:



presents a vague or limited point of view on the issue



demonstrates little awareness of audience



attempts to develop the main idea though that attempt is inadequate



demonstrates weak critical thinking with little complexity of thought or with

awed reasoning



provides inappropriate or insucient examples, reasons, or other evidence to

support its position



is poorly organized and/or focused or demonstrates serious problems with

coherence or progression of ideas



displays limited word choice and little sentence variety



contains many errors in mechanical conventions of usage, sentence structure,

grammar, spelling and punctuation

Below are sample essays that received a score of 3. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 3

Honestly, I think we should be able to make our own decisions because, it is our

life. We can do whatever we want with it. If we go through rough obstacles, we

have to manage to work them out. Some of us might even be successful with our

decision or not. You chose your own decision. You should not have to be limited

on your choices that you make. Some people might not like the fact that, they

can not go over a certain amount of decisions they can make. One example is,

you are going to a store to buy some groceries. You see a delicious candy bar.

You are not sure if you should take it. It is your own decision. In todays world, we

are not limited on our own decisions. We can make millions of decisions in life.

Maybe you should just over think it and, make the good decisions at least. We

are responsible enough to make our own decisions. We should need to have

someone near us telling you,’ You have gone over your limit of decisions’. If

you are mature enough to do the right things, you are old enough to make your

own decisions, but the good ones. Yes, some people will choose the wrong the

decision, but it was their own choice. I am against us people today having to be

limited in the choices you make. I agree that it is better to just be responsible and

make and choose your own decision. You are an adult. Now some people will be

totally against that. But, I am very thankful that now the time I’m living in, we make

and choose our own decisions. We do not need anybody to be telling us what

we can or can not do. In conclusion, today we do not have to be limited over the

choices we make. We can make and choose our own decisions. We are free to

make and choose our own decisions

Continued from previous page

Annotations

This response presents a limited point of view, narrowing the focus from

responsibility for decisions to whether we should be able to make our

own decisions. Although the writer attempts to address the notion that

circumstances beyond our control govern our decisions and impact

responsibility, this idea provides little complexity of thought (we have to

manage to work them out......It is your own decision). A subsequent attempt to

address responsibility is similarly inadequate, as the essay merely asserts that

“it is better to just be responsible” but does not provide sucient evidence to

support this claim. The writer repeats the same general argument throughout

the essay, diminishing coherence and demonstrating serious problems with the

progression of ideas (You chose your own decision. … It is your own decision. …

you are old enough to make your own decisions, but the good ones). The

response contains limited word choice (decisions is used in most sentences) and

little sentence variety, along with many errors in the mechanical conventions

of usage, sentence structure and grammar. This response demonstrates little

mastery of on-demand essay writing and receives a holistic score of 3.

Purpose and Focus

This response does not fully communicate purpose, and focus is inconsistent.

Organization and Structure

This response demonstrates limited organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This response has insucient support for its ideas.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay shows inconsistent control of sentence variety, word choice, and ow

of thought.

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows limited control of mechanical conventions.

Critical Thinking

The essay shows insucient reasoning and lacks complexity of thought.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 3

We are limited in the choices that we can make by a number of things. First we are

restricted by our government, who sets rules that we have to abide by. Next is our

schools, because they set a certain standard on our classes and we have to meet

their requirements and also we are limited in our actions when we are at work.

Our government has laws that we have to go by or we will be ned or punished for

not abiding by them. Hitler came up with all sorts of rules and conditions and if

they weren’t followed he would have the citizen executed. In our school we don’t

have very much freedom in choicing which courses we want to take because we

have so many mandatory ones that has to be taken in order to get enough credits

to graduate such as 3 years of Math 4 years English and 3 years of Reading and

Writing. And last but not least when you get a job nearly every employer has a

certain code that you have to go by in order to work for them. Some companies

have started banning you from bringing your bible to work to read on your break

or talking religion to your coworkers. So all in all I think we are limited in the

choices we can make by our government, schools and our employers.

Annotations

Demonstrating weak critical thinking, this essay develops a limited point of view,

agreeing with Marino’s assertion that various entities (e.g., government, school,

employers) limit our choices but fails to address the issue of whether we are

responsible for actions we take. The writer attempts to provide evidence that choices

are limited, but disjointed and list-like examples lead to a problematic progression of

ideas (Hitler came up with all sorts of rules and conditions . . . in our school we don’t

have very much freedom in choicing which course we want to take). Errors in grammar

(mandatory ones that has to be taken), usage (choicing), and punctuation (both missing

and incorrectly placed commas) occur throughout the essay. This response exhibits

developing mastery of on-demand essay writing and receives a holistic score of 3.

Purpose and Focus

This response doesn’t fully communicate purpose, and focus is inconsistent.

Organization and Structure

This response displays poor organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This response has insucient support for its ideas.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay shows inconsistent control of sentence variety, word choice, and ow

of thought.

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows limited control of mechanical conventions.

Critical Thinking

The essay shows insucient reasoning and lacks complexity of thought.

Score of 4

Description of Score of 4

An essay in this category demonstrates developing mastery of on-demand essay

writing. A typical essay:



develops a viable point of view on the issue



may stray from audience and purpose



demonstrates some critical thinking but may do so inconsistently or use

inadequate examples, reasons, or other evidence to support its position



may lack control of organization or focus, demonstrating some lapses in coherence

or progression of ideas



contains some errors in sentence structure and use of grammatical conventions

such as word choice, usage, spelling, and punctuation

Below are sample essays that received a score of 4. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 4

America manipulates people to believe they are free to make their own

choices;however, people are obligated and manipulated to make choices they do

not agree with, such as, in a job, college, and everday life. Decisons come along

with consquences, good or bad, its up to the person to choose which path to

take. First example, at a work area, an employee is designated duties to fullll his

or her position, but its up to them if they want to complete the job or they get laid

o which is a form of limited choices. This country runs o money, people work

based on how much income they are given. You pay them more they do more.

As a student in college, in order to graduate with a degree of their choice, the

student has to complete a number of credits and meet all expectations. Student

is left with either one or two choices, complete all assignments or fail out of

school and have a minimun wage job. Majority of the people refuse to settle for

minimum jobs such as waitressing, retail, and jobs based o commission. So

they pay however much they need to complete school. In everyday life, people

walk on eggshells throughout their day. If the people were free to make their

own choices why are there law enforcers to regulate rules? The judicial justice to

punish criminals? This country gives their people limited choices, but pursades

them feel as if they have no limitations on their choices;however, people are

afraid of the law so they tend to limit themselves as well. The higher power-the

law intimidate people who have less money or less power. Majority of those who

do not have limited choices, have a higher power and in order to have higher

power money is needed. Moral of the story, America manipulates their people in

the direction in favor for them.

Annotations

The writer presents a viable point of view on the issue, arguing that we are

manipulated by outside forces into making the choices we make. The response

demonstrates some critical thinking but does so inconsistently. For example,

the writer introduces a thought-provoking idea that America fosters an illusion

of free choice, but inadequate examples prevent a fuller exploration of this topic.

The essay outlines decisions and consequences (. . . complete all assignments

or fail out of school) but neglects to address the deeper question of whether we

should take responsibility for our choices or whether we make choices because

of forces beyond our control. Lapses in coherence occur as the writer strings

Continued from previous page

together unrelated ideas (In everyday life, people walk on eggshells throughout

their day. If the people were free to make their own choices why are there law

enforcers to regulate rules?).

The response contains errors in punctuation, grammar, and sentence structure

(First example, at a work area, an employee is designated duties to fulll his or

her position, but its up to them if they want to complete the job or they get laid o

which is a form of limited choices). This response exhibits developing mastery of

on-demand essay writing and receives a holistic score of 4.

Purpose and Focus

This response doesn’t fully communicate purpose, and focus is inconsistent.

Organization and Structure

This response displays a lack of control over the organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This response has limited support for its ideas.

Sentence Variety and Style

This response shows inconsistent control of sentence variety, word choice,

and ow of thought.

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows limited control of mechanical conventions.

Critical Thinking

The essay shows limited clarity and complexity of thought.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 4

Each and every person is able to freely make their own decisions. This is a

process that man has been able to do from the very beginning. With out the

chance of being able to make free decisions then as an individual or as a whole,

many complications can start to arise.

In my life there has been many choices that have been made. many that were

never easy. Apart from day to day decisions to ones that could impact you,

your friends, your family, or just those around you regardless of who they may

be.The decision that one is able to make, can have so many outcomes. One day

an individual could help make a work center run more ecently, because they

made a decision that would help both themself and the others around them. On

the other hand that same individual could have just as easily made a completly

dierent choice, with a result could end up a lot worse for that one person or

someone else.

Continued from previous page

Each and every day, there are men and women that freely choose to put them

selves in harms way. No one has threatened them that they must go do this or

else. I see on a daily Basis people that go and put on a uniform because they

chose to do it. Yes, each person has their own reason for doing what they do,

however each one that does this still does this freely.

You may be limited on your choices at a current time, but that could be because

of everything going on around you. If we lived in a world ruled with limitations

set daily and you couldn’t go out side of what has been set, then i do think that

problems would start occuring. The oppurtunity of Free Choice is an amazing

gift that people either take advantage of and help adavance them selves with or

throw away with a single bad choice. Either way we are still free to make our own

choices and i think that will stay that way for a little while longer.

Annotations

This response presents a viable point of view and displays some critical

thinking; however, certain examples lack sucient elaboration to establish a

clear connection to the issue of responsibility (One day an individual could help

make a work center run more eciently, because they made a decision........On

the other hand that same individual could have just as easily made a completly

dierent choice, with a result could end up a lot worse). Other examples, such as

the discussion of dangerous careers in the third paragraph, are inappropriate,

straying from the purpose of the prompt (taking responsibility for choices).

The writer eventually tackles the idea of outside forces inhibiting choice in the

nal paragraph, but the complexity of the prompt’s question is not addressed

coherently across the body of the essay. In addition, some ideas are introduced

but not developed (If we lived in a world ruled with limitations set...problems

would start occuring). This leads to problems in the progression of ideas, as the

writer moves on to a dierent topic ( ....Free Choice is an amazing gift). Some

errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation occur. This response exhibits

developing mastery of on-demand essay writing and receives a holistic score of 4.

Purpose and Focus

This response doesn’t fully communicate purpose, and focus is inconsistent.

Organization and Structure

In spite of lapses in progression, the response follows a limited organizational plan.

Development and Support

This response has limited support for its ideas.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay shows inconsistent control of sentence variety, word choice, and ow

of thought.

Continued from previous page

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows limited control of mechanical conventions.

Critical Thinking

While demonstrating some critical thinking, this essay shows limited clarity and

complexity of thought.

Score of 5

Description of Score of 5

An essay in this category demonstrates adequate mastery of on-demand essay

writing, although it will have lapses in quality. A typical essay:



develops a viable point of view on the issue



may stray from the audience and purpose but is able to refocus



demonstrates competent critical thinking, using adequate examples, reasons, and

other evidence to support its position



is generally organized and focused but could lack coherence and logical

progression of ideas



exhibits adequate but inconsistent control of language



demonstrates some variety in sentence structure



contains some minor errors in sentence structure, grammar, spelling,

and punctuation

Below are sample essays that received a score of 5. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 5

Dicisions are endless, it is up to you to make anything happen. You can come

from a poor family, and end up a billionaire due to the wise dicisions you made

growing up. It can take one mindless dicision to end your hopes of becoming

something bigger. You can go from having nothing to having it all based on all

your successes in life. For example, my family does not have a lot of money,

therefore, my family is living paycheck-to-paycheck. To make sure I do not live

the life of worrying, like my mother, I will pursue my dream of becoming a doctor.

I will make that decision to change my life for the better. If you are caught up in

a sticky situation, it is because you lead yourself by the choices you made in.

You are judged by others soley based on your daily decisions, therefore, you are

respondsible for your future

You are capable as an adult to make the best decisions, and understand that all

things you do in life may come with a consequence. It absolutely can be dicult

to understand what the best choice is for you, and if you end up failing, there is

always a second chance. Life is all about trial and error. You can test the waters

and see all the dierent outcomes, and choose the best decision that ts you. You

may not always choose the right decision, but it can teach you how to address

any situation in the future. Every decision you make in life has an eect not only

on yourself, but others around you. You are to think before you react, because you

can cause trouble between you and your peers. This can be a reason why your

decisions make up who you are and how others view your characters.

You are not limited to the decisions you make, because you have full control of

your character and how successful you want your future to be. The kind of life

you lead is completely in your hands. No one can stop you from accomplishing

your goals. Although, there might be bumbs along the way, you are fully capable

of going over them. As an adult you are free to make unlimited decisions that

make you respondsible for choices, and with great decision making, it will

showcase your success.

Continued from previous page

Annotations

The writer vaguely acknowledges the prompt’s assertion that circumstances

such as “a poor family” can dene the choices we make and develops a viable

point of view, ultimately rejecting the idea that circumstances inhibit our choices

(you have full control of your character and how successful you want your

future to be). Competent critical thinking adds nuance to the position. This is

particularly evident in the second paragraph, which begins by acknowledging

the diculty in determining the best choice but goes on to suggest that even

poor choices can equip one to better deal with future diculties. The writer then

expands the topic by recognizing that one’s actions aect not only oneself but

“others around you” as well, oering an implicit rejoinder to Marino’s claim that

our choices alone cannot determine “who you are and how others view your

characters.” The response is generally organized and exhibits a progression of

ideas through the use of extended examples (my family does not have a lot of

money, therefore, my family is living paycheck-to-paycheck. To make sure I do

not live the life of worrying, like my mother, I will pursue my dream of becoming

a doctor. I will make that decision to change my life for the better). Adequate

control of language is demonstrated throughout the essay, with some varied

sentence structures (It absolutely can be dicult to understand what the best

choice is for you, and if you end up failing, there is always a second chance. Life is

all about trial and error). This response exhibits adequate mastery of on-demand

essay writing and receives a holistic score of 5.

Purpose and Focus

This response doesn’t fully communicate purpose.

Organization and Structure

This response demonstrates limited organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This response has limited support for its ideas, as many of the ideas lack specic

detailed support.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay shows inconsistent control of sentence variety, word choice, and ow

of thought.

Mechanical Conventions

Minor errors occur in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

Critical Thinking

While demonstrating some critical thinking, this essay shows limited clarity and

complexity of thought.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 5

The ability of decision making is one of a few traits thats dierenciates us from

animals. As opposed to most other living specimens on this planet who mostly

act upon instinct and would appear to have little to no control over the course

of their lives, i strongly belive our abilty to think critically has a major impact on

we deicde to live our lives. But for the question at hand “are we free to make our

decisons or are our choices limited”, I would have to say yes to both.

Like stated previously, I belive a humans possesion of critical thinking and kowing

right from wrong and so on gives a great ammount of control over out lives.

Without which we would be no dierent than most animals. Every day we wake up

we make a decision that could impact the rest our day or maybe even the rest of

out lives. for example, what time you should wake up because if you’re late again

you will lose your job. Even the decions in what we eat day to day or how much

excerise we feel like getting will impact our health. All of these are situations we

have control over. If I choose to smoke and end up with cancer well thats my fault

and no one elses. Ultimately when it comes down to it the paths we deicde to

take in life are choices that are made by us and us alone.

Despite being a sentient species, having free will and being able to ultimately

control our fates, sometimes the decions we make can be limited to what

resources you have available to yourself. Perhaps you are a child and your

parents are the only resource you have to accomplish most of anything you like

to go for. In that case your parents might be making a lot of decions for you as any

good parent would. Mental dissabilities unfortunately can also be a factor when it

comes to a persons thought process as they attempt critical decision making.

We as humans posess abilities far greater than many other creatures we share

the Earth with. Some like to think it is up to fate to decide how our lives turn out

and even that is a decision in itsself. As an intelligent species have total control

over our own lives and what we decide to do with it regardless of what inuences

us or what may be available to help us along the way.

Annotations

This response presents a viable point of view that demonstrates competent

critical thinking (I belive a humans possesion of critical thinking and kowing

right from wrong and so on gives a great ammount of control over out lives).

Adequate reasoning and evidence support the qualied position that we are

free to make decisions, though some limitations exist. The writer provides brief,

but appropriate examples of daily decisions people make (e.g., sleep, diet, and

exercise) to illustrate the cause and eect relationship between one’s choices

and their consequences. Generally organized and focused, the essay contains

a logical progression of ideas that culminates in a nal sentence that clearly

expresses the writer’s position (As an intelligent species have total control over

our own lives and what we decide to do with it regardless of what inuences us

or what may be available to help us along the way). The essay exhibits adequate

but inconsistent control of language: the essay contains some errors in spelling,

grammar, and mechanical conventions. This response exhibits adequate mastery

of on-demand essay writing and receives a holistic score of 5.

Continued from previous page

Purpose and Focus

This response doesn’t fully communicate purpose.

Organization and Structure

Transitions help to link ideas, but overall the response demonstrates limited

organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This response has limited support for its ideas. Sentence Variety and Style This

essay shows control of sentence variety and structure.

Mechanical Conventions

Minor errors occur in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

Critical Thinking

While demonstrating some critical thinking, this essay shows limited clarity and

complexity of thought.

Score of 6

Description of Score of 6

An essay in this category demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery of

on-demand essay writing, although it may have occasional lapses in quality.

A typical essay:



eectively develops a point of view on the issue



addresses an appropriate audience and demonstrates a clear purpose for writing



demonstrates strong critical thinking, generally using appropriate examples,

reasons, and other evidence to support its position



is well organized and focused, demonstrating coherence and a logical progression

of ideas



exhibits consistent control in the use of language



demonstrates adequate variety in sentence structure



is generally free of errors in sentence structure, grammar, usage, spelling,

and punctuation

Below are sample essays that received a score of 6. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 6

Being presented with options and choosing which path to take is a fundemental

part of the human experience. There are multiple possbilities, and no clear cut

answer to this question. Sometimes, a situation can’t be helped, and there’s

nothing that can be done about it, whether or not an attempt is made. Other

times, a situation can’t be helped, but with eort the outcome can be altered. And

other times, a situation is the result of a person’s actions, with them bringing it

upon themselves.

Part of being human is that of course you can’t simply do anything, everyone

has their own limitations, whether or not they (directly or indirectly) set the

limitations for themselves. Minority groups in America such as LGBT+ people,

people of color, and Muslims, for example, are limited in what jobs they can

secure due to discrimination. People who live in poverty often cannot escape

and are trapped in a downward spiral. Teenagers with no stable income or reliable

means of transportation can’t truly be free either. However, every single person

has the potential to break out of their conned cage and create more choices

and opportunities for their lives. Something I believe greatly in is that there is

never, under any circumstances, a 0% chance, no matter how highly the odds are

stacked against.

One wonderful example of this dicult, amazing feat is Alexander Hamilton.

He was an illegitimate child who lost both of his parents by teenagehood, living

in poverty and having nothing. He grasped at every straw he could, not only

managing to escape his brutal life in the Carribeans, but making himself into

one of the most important gures in American history. Even once he got to the

mainland, he could have lost it and give into despair, but he continued to climb

and persevere. He is the epitome of a person getting their own freedom to make

their decisons. However, even so, as George Washington’s right hand man, as a

husband and father, and as the Secretary of the Treasury, his decisons were still

limited, and he didn’t have total freedom, (though at that period it was mostly due

to social pressures and not wanting to lose his position or reputation rather than

not having the means).

Continued from previous page

In short, there is no easy answer to this. Technically, anybody can do anything,

if they have the means, are able to let go of the obligations that come with

being a human being, and are able to escape (or are willing to deal with) the

consequences of their actions. However, it’s very rare to have these abilities, and

with global poverty rising, the means are becoming so much more of a forgotten

treasure. At times it’s our or somebody else’s fault, and other times it’s just an

unfortunate fate. Having the luxury of making your own life is a luxury in and of

itself. Either way, a path can always be carved, no matter how limited one may be

Annotations

This response presents a viable point of view and demonstrates a clear purpose

for writing (Sometimes, a situation can’t be helped, and there’s nothing that can

be done about it....Other times, a situation can’t be helped, but with eort the

outcome can be altered. And other times, a situation is the result of a person’s

actions, with them bringing it upon themselves). The essay demonstrates strong

critical thinking, rst in the discussion of minority groups that face discrimination

and in the acknowledgment that others (people who live in poverty and [t]eenagers

with no stable income) have circumstantial limitations that can limit their

freedom. Critical thinking is also evident in the writer’s ultimate point: that

there is no easy answer to this and that anybody can do anything, if they have

the means…and are (willing to deal with) the consequences of their actions.

While the Hamilton example provided in the second half of the essay doesn’t

quite match the prompt’s subtle implications that outside forces that can’t be

overcome are related to our means, the writer does acknowledge a caveat to

Hamilton’s example, another indication of critical thinking (though at that period

it was mostly due to social pressures and not wanting to lose his position or

reputation rather than not having the means). The writing is well organized and

focused, demonstrating coherence (for example, the sustained focus across

each paragraph on the idea of unconquerable limitations vs. being able to alter

outcomes with eort) and a logical progression of ideas. The essay displays

consistent control in the use of language with adequate variety in sentence

structure (Having the luxury of making your own life is a luxury in and of itself.

Either way, a path can always be carved, no matter how limited one may be). This

response exhibits a reasonably consistent mastery of on-demand essay writing

and receives a holistic score of 6.

Purpose and Focus

This response shows a clear and consistent purpose.

Organization and Structure

This response exhibits strong organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This response has limited support for its ideas. By the writer’s own admission,

the most developed example doesn’t quite match Marino’s implication that the

ability to make certain choices can be constrained by one’s means.

Continued from previous page

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay shows skillful control of sentence structure and style.

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows strong control over the mechanical conventions of

grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Critical Thinking

This essay shows limited clarity and complexity of thought.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 6

It’s easy to say that we are free to make our own decisions, but are we? In my

opinion, yes we all have free will to make certain choices and others, not so

much. There are certain factors that can play a role in life, such as lifestyles

choices that were passed on from generation to generation without even

knowing the wrong doing of it. Since it was passed down, it must be normal,

right? Not always! There are two very complicated choices to make, to do great,

or not so great, ultimately the choice is yours. This factor can depend on your

background, such as self-esteem, family, friends, beliefs, and a host of others.

Not saying that anyone is perfect, because we all make mistakes, but if you want

better, you will do better.

Self-esteem is the rst one. Key word is self, but it doesn’t start with self. As a

child I was taught to be condent in myself, but I grew up with others that weren’t

taught the same. Some were brought up in a not so great enviornment, where

they may have been abused in one way or another and it happened so much it

became their normal. This could throw your decision making judgement o. I’m

not saying you can’t come from a terrible background and be a better person,

because it’s all about you and what you want out of life. Sure it may be a little

tough compared to someone else, but know one said it would be easy! In my

experience, family plays a major role in what you can and will become. Family can

build you up, but can also tear you down. Above everything, self is the foundation

and I believe that if you have a very supportive background and a positive outlook

life, your choices you decide to make will have very positive outcomes.

Even with a great family foundation, it could still be challenging to make your own

decisions, because friends could cause peer pressure. Peer pressure can cause

one to feel like they have to do whatever it is to be cool or to even be noticed. For

some, this isn’t a decision they would normally make, but to t in is the key. What

they think is normal, seems to be everything they want and need at that moment.

Even though they know it’s wrong, they may feel the need to have the validation

from others. Others aren’t so bothered with it. Some may lack the attention

at home and feel the need to gain it elsewhere. Whatever the reasoning, peer

pressure is real and could aect the choices you make.

Ultimately, you hold your future in your hands. No matter how rough the ride may

be, you can make it! Every now and then we just may need a little reminder of how

great we are, and what we are capable of becoming. As always, remember every

action has a reaction, whether good or bad, so be mindful of your decision making!

Continued from previous page

Annotations

Demonstrating strong critical thinking, this response eectively develops a

point of view (It’s easy to say that we are free to make our own decisions, but

are we? In my opinion, yes we all have free will to make certain choices and

others, not so much) and supports that position with appropriate reasons and

examples. The writer recognizes the complexity of the issues and provides

evidence that demonstrates this understanding, contrasting his or her own

privileged upbringing with that of peers who “were brought up in a not so great

enviornment,” in order to illustrate how adverse circumstances can limit one’s

choices and “throw your decision making judgement o.” Strong transitions

contribute to a logical progression of ideas (Above everything, self is the

foundation and I believe that if you have a very supportive background and a

positive outlook life, your choices you decide to make will have very positive

outcomes. Even with a great family foundation, it could still be challenging to

make your own decisions). Control of language is consistent, and sentences

are reasonably varied. The writing is generally free of errors in sentence

structure, grammar, usage, spelling, and punctuation. This response exhibits

a reasonably consistent mastery of on-demand essay writing and receives a

holistic score of 6.

Purpose and Focus

This focused essay exhibits a clear purpose.

Organization and Structure

This response demonstrates strong organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This response has limited support, as good examples are provided but not

developed with sucient depth.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay shows skillful control of sentence structure and style.

Mechanical Conventions

This response shows strong control over the mechanical conventions of

grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Critical Thinking

This essay shows limited clarity and complexity of thought.

Score of 7

Description of Score of 7

An essay in this category demonstrates consistent mastery of on-demand essay

writing, although it may have occasional minor errors. A typical essay:



eectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue



addresses an appropriate audience and demonstrates a clear purpose for writing in

the thesis statement



demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using appropriate examples, reasons,

and other evidence to support its position



is well organized and focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth

progression of ideas



exhibits appropriate language, using a varied and accurate vocabulary



demonstrates varied sentence structure



is practically free of errors in sentence structure, grammar, spelling, and

punctuation

Below are sample essays that received a score of 7. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 7

The decisions we make on a daily basis shape the type of person we are along

with the type of person others see us as, when a child is young they are guided

and do not have much of a say in decison making however as and individual gets

older they are expected to start making their own decisions. Decision making

can be complex for some individuals while on the other hand for some deciding

what they want is something that comes naturally. Every one makes dierent

decisions and thus lead dierent lives based on the choices they take however

we are not always free in the choices we make their is a variety of dierent

components which shape our ability to make decisions.

The choices an individual makes on a daily basis have a lot to do with cultural

or religious beliefs, dierent cultures have dierent teachings and dierent

outlooks on what is acceptable and what is forbidden. Parents raise their children

according to the way they think and the type of person they would like their

child to become. Many parents have certain expectations from their children

regarding the decisions they make based on cultural beliefs that the parents

or other family members expect their child to follow and abide by. The society

one lives in also has a huge impact on the decisons you make, individuals are

expected to act in certain ways in certain societies and not doing so may cause

conicts. Thus, cultural and societal teachings and expectations impact a large

amount of our ability to make choices and often leave us with limited to no choice

at all.

The circumstances we are in is another factor which often limits the decisions we

make and we do not always have a choice in the circumstances we are put into.

An example of this is when a child is born into a very poor family which hardly

has enough food to put on the table they automatically are limited to making

many decisions in their life such as if they would like to have a proper eductation.

They may not be able to pursue their dreams of having an education due to the

circumstances of their family which may not be able to aord giving their child an

education at all. Someone with completely dierent circumstances on the other

hand would have a completely dierent set of choices in their lives which would

allow them to make completely dierent decisions.

Continued from previous page

Laws and regulations have an immense amount of control on the decisions one

can make, most of the time there are consequences when the law is broken

or bent. In Canada we have many rules and regulations which every individual

is suppose to follow and not question since it is meant for the well being of

everyone. An example of how strong a hold laws can have on a persons decision

making can be seen when an individual is interested in starting their own

business in Canada. There are many strict rules and a number of expectations

one must complete in order to begin their own business. These regulations and

restrictions often have a great impact on the decisions one makes and can aect

ones ability to be able to start a business at all if they are not able to live upto

these expectations. Since there are usually harsh consequences when a rule or

law is broken, people are scared to think or do anything other than what is set for

them by the government. All in all laws and regulations limit the choices we have

on a daily basis.

To conclude, decision making is shaped by a number of dierent aspects such as

cultural and societal beliefs, individual circumstances and laws and regulations.

We may not see it or feel it however we do not always have a choice and often our

decisons have already been made for us. An individual may be confronted with

many problems if they do not take anything into consideration when they make

decisons, thus wanting to avoid this and the fear of consequences we do not

always have a choice or say in every decision we make throughout life.

Annotations

This response takes the thoughtful position that we are not always free in

the choices we make because of the “variety of dierent components” that

shape our decisions. The writing demonstrates outstanding critical thinking

throughout, from the initial idea that control over decisions evolves as we

age to the astute observation that “societal teachings and expectations” can

dictate our choices and behaviors. In the third paragraph, the writer continues

to grapple with the complexity of the prompt, oering insight into the ways

outside inuences (economic circumstances in particular) can shape our

decision making. Appropriate examples, such as a discussion of how regulations

in Canada limit the daily choices of business owners, provide extended support

that deepens the reader’s understanding of the topic. The organized and focused

essay features a clear progression of ideas. Language use is appropriate

throughout, exhibiting varied vocabulary (forbidden, abide, immense) and a

variety of sentence structures. Demonstrating a consistent mastery of on-

demand essay writing, this response receives a holistic score of 7.

Purpose and Focus

This response displays a clear purpose and consistent focus.

Organization and Structure

This response demonstrates strong organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This essay is logically developed and well supported.

Continued from previous page

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay demonstrates skillful control of sentence structure and style.

Mechanical Conventions

This response exhibits strong control of the mechanical conventions of writing.

Critical Thinking

This essay shows clear and reasoned analysis of the issue.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 7

Everyone must start somewhere. Despite living in one of the most upwardly

mobile countries in history, Americans do not have equality of origen. For

example, some are born into wealth and presperity with the whole world

seemingly laid before them. They are easily able to chart a course for their life

and, having the resources at hand, they can pursue that course and rise to even

greater wealth and prosperity. Others are born into poverty. Their choices are

more narrow and are mainly focussed on surviving day to day. This second group

however, does not have to remain in the circumstances of their beginnings

forever. By recognizing their situation & making the best of the choices they can

make, and tenaciously prusuing goals and oppertunities as they come up, they

can expand their options and TAKE responsibility for their future.

The beginning of overcoming a poor beginning is recognizing your position. In

my own case, being the son of an abusive father, I was raised in poverty by my

single mother. There was always a sense of hopelessness around. Not knowing

it, this feeling dened my childhood and teenage years – As far as I knew, my life

was heading nowhere. At 15, however, I recognized that I had a choice to make

in the outcome of my life. I began to ask for help from some of my teachers and

I began to look for chances pursue my interests by taking classes in computers

and technology. It wasn’t much but by steadily making decisions that expanded

my options, little by little, I began to escape the fog of hopelessness.

At 16 I realized that I would need to make a clean break from my past if I was to

have any chance at a brighter future. I was in my second year of high school and

my mother was going through her third devorce with an alcoholic and abusive

husband. He got arrested and sent to jail for drunk driving, and she decided that

she could have a better life if she uprooted my sister and I by moving to Florida

with her sister. I knew this would be the path to ruin for me. I decided to take a

chance on myself and tell my mother that I was not going with her. I spoke with my

guidance counselor and asked for her help in telling my mother what I was going

to do. Mrs. Lewis set the appointment, called an Aunt of mine who lived in the

area, and set it up so I could stay with her family until I nished high school. On

the day of the meeting she encouraged me to speak my heart about my decision

and stood by me when I laid things out for my mom. In the end, my mother agreed

to allow me to stay with my aunt while she moved away.

Continued from previous page

The two and a half years of high school that followed were very trying. However,

by standing up for myself, and choosing to break from my past, I chose a pursue

a path that ultimately lead to my having a happy marriage with a wife I love and

3 amazing children. I also have a career in a eld I can be successful in a long as

I want.

In summary, by recognizing my position, making the best of the decisions I had,

and with tenacity taking risks on myself, I broke away from a hopeless future. I

started with nothing, but today my horizons are broad and my future is bright.

Annotations

This response establishes an insightful point of view that, through a combination

of perseverance and awareness, people can take responsibility for their future

despite circumstances that encumber them. Support consists of a thorough

personal account of how the writer overcame an impoverished and abusive

environment. Incorporating appropriate examples and specic details, this

anecdotal evidence strengthens the position and lends credibility to the writer’s

claims. The essay is well organized and focused, exhibiting a smooth progression

of ideas across the three body paragraphs, as the writer moves through the

chronology of the personal example. Language use is appropriate, with accurate

and varied vocabulary (chart a course, prosperity, fog of hopelessness, tenacity).

Varied sentence structures enhance the uency of the writing. Demonstrating a

consistent mastery of on-demand essay writing, this response receives a holistic

score of 7.

Purpose and Focus

This response displays a clear purpose and strong focus.

Organization and Structure

This response demonstrates strong organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This essay is logically developed and well supported.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay demonstrates skillful control of sentence structure and style.

Mechanical Conventions

Control of mechanical conventions is strong.

Critical Thinking

This essay shows clear and reasoned analysis of the issue.

Score of 8

Description of Score of 8

An essay in this category demonstrates clear and consistent mastery of on-demand

essay writing, with a few minor errors. A typical essay:



eectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue



addresses an appropriate audience and demonstrates a clear purpose for writing in

the thesis statement



demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using eective examples, reasons, and

other evidence to support its position



is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth

progression of ideas



exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary



demonstrates varied and eective sentence structure



is free of major errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation

Below are sample essays that received a score of 8. The annotations explain why the

essay received the indicated score.

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 8

There are over 4 billion people on planet earth, while thousands of people are

born everyday. Where the child is born, and where they are raised, is completely

spontaneous and out of there control. Gordon D. Marino strongly believes that

no one has rm control of what happens to him or her, or with what transpires

throughout their life. His take has a signicant amount of validity, which cant be

justied. However, people have the ablity and possibility to prevent the negatives

throughout life with proper structure.

As it pertains to Gordon D. Marino’s passage, there is no right or wrong answer.

Granted, people are brought into unfortunate and inconvenient situations,

but that doesn’t negate the fact that they can’t overcome the fallacies and

transgressions they endure. An abundance of people come from broken homes,

negligent parents who are in poverty, unsophisticated school systems, third

world countries, and so fourth. I undoubtedly understand that people strongly

feel like there is no way out, or a solution to the unfortunate circumstances

they have encountered. However, there is always a way out. The famous cliche

“anything is possible” needs to be embraced a lot more. People going through

struggles need to summize the fact that not one person is better than the

other. Other people just so happen to have been fortunately raised in a better

environment. There is a way to overcome this.

A prime example of someone who had to overcome his negative surroundings

would be my father. He was raised by negligent, alcoholic parents who would

never amount to anything. They simply did not care. He was getting into trouble

as a youth, being thrown in a juvenile detention center at a young age, living

in a bad area, and spending his time with the wrong people. He didnt have any

money, was a high school drop-out, and was in a detention center at 17. He was

so upset with the way his life had been going, he decided he was all in, and was

going to strive for success, and wasn’t going to stop until he did so. He picked up

a book and never put it down, disassociated himself from the negative tension

he was constantly around, and gradually progressed. Once he was out of juvenile

detention, he aquired a GED, went to a community college taking online classes

while working three jobs. Granted, your social life might come to a pause, but the

Continued from previous page

juice is totally worth the squeeze. His most common phrase when talking to me

and my siblings were, “work hard now, have fun later”. Ultimately, he went from

being a juvenile delinquent from a broken home, to a proesor of sociology at the

University of Georgetown. He constantly enlightens his students about his past

transgressions, and how anyone can overcome anything if they put in the eort.

I strongly feel that Gordon D. Marino’s message has a much broader context.

He could be alluding to a plethora of instances that are unpreventable. One

might get a at tire, be in a hostile situation involving a terror attack, a home

being wiped out by a natural disaster. The examples I just listed are undeniably

unpreventable. He could also be alluding to my message about being brought

into a broken home, but there is always a way out, and a path to success. If you

are in poverty, work 3 jobs. If you want to be a physician, go to school and never

put the books down. It is all about sacricing and applying yourself to the best of

your abilities.

All in all, with Gordon’s message, there is no right or wrong answer. We do not

have control on mother nature, and the outside forces that exist outside of us.

We do not have control of where we were born, who raised us, what class we

were brought into, what country we were born in, but we do have control of our

bodies, and what we want to do with it. The people who claim each individual is

responsible of what happens to him or her, has signicant validity as well. People

dont have to commit crimes, people dont have to be in poverty. It all comes down

to whether or not you can overcome the unfortunate circumstances, and apply

yourself to be the best possible person.

Annotations

Demonstrating outstanding critical thinking by eectively and insightfully

developing its point of view, this response acknowledges the validity of Marino’s

claims while suggesting that an alternative is possible. Throughout the essay,

the writer crafts a subtle but consistent argument that “there is no right or wrong

answer.” In other words, life presents some unavoidable obstacles, but at the

same time, it is possible to “prevent the negatives throughout life with proper

structure.” The essay demonstrates strong critical thinking in the initial body

paragraph by conceding that unfortunate circumstances can engender a feeling

of helplessness. The writer then employs a skillful transition between paragraphs

(Other people just so happen to have been fortunately raised in a better

environment. There is a way to overcome this) to pivot to a new idea (A prime

example of someone who had to overcome his negative surroundings would

be my father). Using an eective example of the writer’s own father, the essay

attempts to rebut the absolutism of Marino’s position with ample and appropriate

evidence of how an individual can overcome adversity. The essay concludes

by reiterating that there is much beyond our control (e.g., geography, social

environment, class), but the writer adds the thoughtful point that we still have

control over our bodies and how we apply ourselves. Use of language is skillful

throughout the response, with varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary (broken

homes, negligent parents, unsophisticated school systems) and sentences

which are varied and eective. Exhibiting clear and consistent mastery of

on-demand essay writing, this response earns a holistic score of 8.

Continued from previous page

Purpose and Focus

This response shows a clear purpose and strong focus.

Organization and Structure

This response exhibits strong organization of ideas.

Development and Support

This essay is logically developed and well supported.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay demonstrates skillful control of sentence structure and style.

Mechanical Conventions

Control of mechanical conventions is strong.

Critical Thinking

This essay shows clear and reasoned analysis of the issue.

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 8

In her 2008 Harvard commencement speech, author J.K. Rowling invited recent

graduates to take responsibility for their own lives. Rowling argued that each

individual must ardently grab the steering wheel of her own le as soon as she

is able. Relying on parents, professors, or peers to give one’s life direction,

purpose, or structure is simply not an option.

I agree with Rowling’s assertion that we are all in charge of our own lives. The

complication arises, however, when we acknowledge that the materials we have

been given to lead those lives vary greatly from person to person. In keeping with

the car analogy, I may be driving a Toyota Corolla with 90,000 miles on it, while

another person may be careening through the world from the scooped seat of

a brand-new BMW. In other words, yes, we make our own choices, and we are

responsible for how we lead our lives, but each one of us makes those choices

and selects our paths within a framework which we cannot control.

Never is this clearer than in discussions of privilege. Axioms such as, “The rich

get richer and the poor get poorer,” highlight the idea that our circumstances

force us to start from dierent places. Oprah Winfrey, for instance, is so

fascinating to the American public because of her “rags to riches” story: a

young woman, born into poverty, who suered years of horric abuse from

relatives, who still managed to rise to stardom, acquire wealth, and weild power

with generosity and compassion. Still other public gures receive signicant

scrutiny for their lack of need to self-start. President George W. Bush was

frequently derided for his cushy upbringing, which led him to studies at Yale and

a presidency which, to some, seemed to result more from his family wealth and

political connections than from genuine preparedness for oce.

Continued from previous page

Famous television personalities and politicans provide ample fodder for the

frustration many of us feel when faced with Rowling’s demand that we take the

wheels of our own lives, and yet the complex relationship between personal

responsibility and predetermined circumstance plays itself out in ordinary lives,

as well. Having recently chosen to return to school for another degree, I feel

emboldened and proud of this decision I am making. However, I also recognize

that the support of my parents in high school–driving me to theater practice,

paying for my voice lessons, buying me as many books as I could read–and their

continued bolstering of me in college has laid the groundwork for my academic

success and condence. I could not have succeeded in high school, college, and

gradute school, and then considered more education, without their emotional

and nancial support.

In the end, we each write our own stories; we are in charge of the choices we

make. One eminent psychologist said it best when he claimed, “We do not have

control, but we do have choices.” We do not control so many things: the decade

we are born, the parents we go home with, the teachers who educate us. Yet we

do have choices. We choose the clothes we wear, regardless of each decade’s

fashion frenzies; we choose how we relate to our parents; we choose whether or

not to study for the myriad tests and quizzes that pepper our twenty-rst century

educations. The outcome of this venture called life will always, at least partially,

elude us, but as human beings, we have been given the gift of daily, personal

choice. To me, that makes all the dierence.

Annotations

This response eectively and insightfully develops its point of view that “we

are responsible for how we lead our lives, but each one of us makes those

choices and selects our paths within a framework which we cannot control.”

Critical thinking and eective examples appear throughout the essay, but these

qualities are on full display in the second body paragraph. The writer skillfully

juxtaposes the inherited advantages of George W. Bush with the fortitude

of Oprah Winfrey in order to examine the interplay of privilege and personal

determination. The essay develops this idea even further in the next section,

acknowledging that ordinary lives also bear witness to the “complex relationship

between personal responsibility and predetermined circumstance.” Focused on

its argument, the writing exhibits deliberate organization and clear coherence,

as Rowling’s ideas are used as a thread throughout the essay to respond to

the prompt’s complexity. The response is cohesive from start to nish, and its

strong conclusion provides a sense of completeness. An eective quotation

provides an appropriate response to the prompt’s ultimate question (“We do not

have control, but we do have choices.”). The writer follows this with well-chosen

examples of outside inuences beyond our control (fashion, parents, teachers)

and contrasts them with corresponding choices (We choose the clothes we

wear . . . how we relate to our parents . . . whether or not to study), demonstrating

eective reasoning and reinforcing the overall position. The use of language is

skillful, with a variety of eective sentence structures (However, I also recognize

that the support of my parents in high school–driving me to theater practice,

paying for my voice lessons, buying me as many books as I could read–and their

continued bolstering of me in college has laid the groundwork for my academic

success and condence .....In the end, we each write our own stories; we are

Continued from previous page

incharge of the choices we make). The writing features precise vocabulary that is

accurate and apt (ample fodder, bolstering, fashion frenzies). Exhibiting clear and

consistent mastery of on-demand essay writing, this response earns a holistic

score of 8.

Purpose and Focus

This response shows a clear purpose and strong focus.

Organization and Structure

The writer displays a strong ability to organize ideas.

Development and Support

This essay is logically developed and well supported.

Sentence Variety and Style

This essay demonstrates skillful control of sentence structure and style.

Mechanical Conventions

Control of mechanical conventions is strong.

Critical Thinking

This essay shows clear and reasoned analysis of the issue.